Road Trip
by Lone Wolfette
Summary: Lenny & Squiggy win a car in the truck drivers' pool.


**Road Trip **

**ONE**   
on the street in front of 730 Knapp Street, noontime 

Lenny- See, Squig, I told ya! I knew we'd win the truck drivers' pool! 

Squiggy- The one time they got a car to be won an' we get it! (he goes to the hood of the car and lays over it) We gotta go somewhere! We gotta show off our winnings! 

Lenny (prying Squiggy off of the car)- Where're we gonna go? 

Squiggy- I didn't think-a that... but who says we gotta actually go somewhere? We'll go cross country. We'll leave (looks at his wrist as though he was wearing a watch) right now. 

Lenny- Now? Shotz'll fire us. 

Squiggy- We'll take vacation, he won't care. 

Lenny- Well... 

Squiggy- I'm callin'. (he goes up the steps and goes inside) 

Lenny follows reluctantly. 

  
**TWO**   
Lauren & Kristin's apartment 

Kristin was listening at the window. 

Lauren (sitting on the couch, watching TV)- You just love to spy on Squig, don't ya? 

Kristin (coming over to the couch)- Yes, besides, I just overheard that they're gonna take their new wheels and go on a cross country trip. 

Lauren- So? 

Kristin- So!? We grab some clothes and a coupla blankets, jump in the backseat, hide under the blankets, and surprise them when there's no way they'll bring us back here! 

Lauren- Ya know what? I love the way your mind works! 

The girls start frantically packing. 

  
**THREE**   
outside, an hour later 

The girls are already hiding under the blankets on the floor of the backseat. 

The boys come out and toss their stuff in the back, most of it lands in the trunk, and all of it misses the girls. They shoot fingers to see who'll drive first and Squiggy wins (or loses, depending on how you wanna think about it). 

Lenny- Hey, Squig, do we need a map? 

Squiggy- We'll just follow the signs. 

Under the blankets, both girls slap their foreheads. 

Lauren (whispering)- We'll be lost the minute we leave Milwaukee! 

Kristin (whispering)- Yup. 

  
**FOUR**   
half an hour later, down the road 

Lenny- I can't get nutin' in on the radio. 

Squiggy- Just keep playin' with it, you'll get som'en sooner or later. 

Lenny (turning the radio off)- I'm gonna climb in back and take a nap. Don't hit 'ny bumps while I'm climbin' over. (he starts over the seat) 

Squiggy (devilishly)- Okay! 

Lenny- I mean it, Squig! (he's about over and nearly falls to the floor where the girls are) That wasn't as easy as I thought. 

Ten minutes later, Squiggy has no clue of where they are and Lenny's asleep, making that same strange noise. {From "The Note" - I love that, it's so cute!} 

The girls decide it's time they de their presence known. Kristin is on the passengerside, so she gets out first and starts climbing over the seat. 

Kristin- Hi, Squig. 

Squiggy (surprised)- Kristin!? Where'd you come from? 

Kristin (playfully)- Milwaukee, same as you. 

Squiggy- Very funny. You been hiding back there all this time? 

Kristin- Yeah, we both have. 

Squiggy- Lauren's there, too? Is she behind me? 

Kristin- Yup. 

Lauren gets out from under the blanket. She's staring right at Lenny. 

Kristin- Wake 'im up! 

Lauren- Okay. (she gives him a kiss) 

Lenny- What the...! (he sees Lauren, then Kristin) Where'd you two come from?... and don't say "Milwaukee, same as you"! 

Kristin (turning to face front)- Too late, i already did. 

Lauren- Kristin heard you guys talkin' about this little trip, so we decided to tag along. 

Lenny- Oh, great. (he sits up) Everybody's gonna be lookin' for us. Did you two tell anyone you were leavin'? 

Lauren- No... did you? 

Squiggy- No way! Why should we? 

Lenny- Uh oh... 

Squiggy- No one's gonna be lookin' for us! 

Lenny- Yeah, but Laverne an' Shirley will be lookin' for these two, then us... then they'll come up with a plan to kill us! 

Squiggy- Oh, fine. We'll let em call the girls when we find a hotel. 

Kristin (happily)- A hotel...! 

Lenny- Awe, no! Not a good idea. 

Lauren- We gotta stay somewhere... and sleeping in the car all night is not a good way to sleep. I vote for a hotel. 

Kristin- Me, too! 

Squiggy- Three to one, Len. Those're bad odds for you... unless you'd like to sleep in the car? 

Lenny- Oh, alright... but we get two rooms! 

Squiggy- Fine. Everybody happy, now? 

Lauren- Yeah. 

Kristin- Yup. 

Lenny- No. 

  
**FIVE**   
early evening 

They pull into a hotel parking lot and pile out. The girls sit in the lobby with the luggage while the boys check in. Afew minutes later they come back - Squiggy is dangling a single key in front of him. 

Squiggy (plopping on the couch, next to Kristin)- Wouldn't ya know, they only had one room! C'mon, let's take this stuff up. 

Squiggy and Kristin pick up their things and go to the elevator. 

Meanwhile, Lenny is desperately trying not to make eye contact with Lauren. 

Lauren- Len, c'mere. (he goes over and sits next to her) So, they had only one room. Big deal. Why don't we just grab our stuff and go? 

Lenny- Okay. 

  
**SIX**   
later that night 

Kristin and Squiggy are sitting on the floor, at the end of one of the beds, watching _Heckle & Jeckle_ (and laughing their heads off). 

Earlier in the night, Lauren had found the game room and talked Lenny into going with her. 

A commercial comes on. 

Kristin (yawning)- i think I'm gonna go to sleep. 

Squiggy- So soon? 

Kristin (looking at him)- Yes, so soon!... And don't even think of trying anything that will make me hafta hurt you! 

Squiggy- Darn. 

  
**SEVEN**   
game room 

As it turns out, the only game in the whole room that was working was the air hockey (and Lauren's kicking some major butt!). 

Lauren (after hitting a game winning goal)- Well, that's four games to one now. Care to quit... or are ya a glutton for punishment? 

Lenny- A what?... Naw, no more. 

They leave the game room. 

Lenny- Did you let me win the first game? 

Lauren- Well... 

Lenny- You did! 

Lauren- Okay, I confess! I let ya have the first game! Besides, we still haven't found the mini golf... 

Lenn- What's that s'posed to mean? 

Lauren- I can beat ya at mini golf, too! 

Lenny- Well, let's go find out. (he grabs her hand and pulls her along in search of the mini golf) 

Unfortunately, when they find it, it's already closed for the night. 

Lauren- Looks like no mini golf tonight. 

Lenny- Yeah, I was lookin' forward to winnin', too! 

Lauren- Wait, you think you'd win? HA! I could putt circles around ya! 

Lenny- I guess we'll never know now. 

They start back towards the stairs. 

  
**EIGHT**   
the next morning 

Squiggy's asleep in the bathtub {don't ask why}, Kristin and Lauren each have a whole bed to themselves, and Lenny, well, he started off on thetable, but ended up on the floor. 

The pone starts to ring for their wake up call. Squiggy can't hear it and both Lauren and Kristin are sleeping right through it. Lenny sits up, still on the floor and looks across Lauren's bed at the phone. He tries to nudge Lauren awake, but she's not cooperating. Finally, he gets up and climbs over Lauren's bed to get the phone. He picks up the receiver and slams it back down. He nearly falls off and onto the floor because Lauren woke up when he slammed the receiver. 

Lauren (sitting up)- Whadya think you're doin'? 

Lenny (still lying on her bed)- I was tryin' to get rid of the wake up call. 

Lauren- So, why didn't ya go around insteada climbin' over? 

Lenny- Uh... I didn't think of that? 

Lauren- Try again. (she shoves him onto the floor) 

Lenny- Thanks, I needed that. 

  
**NINE**   
outside, an hour and a half later 

Everyone is trying to fit their stuff in the trunk - at the same time. Finally, they get everything in and pile themselves in - Squiggy's driving, Kristin's in the passenger seat. In the back, Lenny's behind Squiggy and Lauren's behind Kristin. 

Lenny- Squig, why were ya sleepin' in the bathtub? 

Squiggy- I wanted a waterbed. {I said don't ask} 

Lauren- Un on... 

Kristin- What? 

Lauren- We forgot to call Laverne and Shirley. 

Kristin- It's probably too late now, anyway. They've prob'ly got the SWAT team lookin' for us. (she laughs) 

Lauren- Yeah... and we've only made it to Green Bay, so far. (she points at the sign as they pass it) 

Squiggy- Green Bay? (he looks at the sign, instead of watching the road and...) 

  
**TEN**   
Laverne & Shirley's apartment, about 40 minutes later 

Shirley- Where could they have gone? I mean, the fellas do this all the time, but... 

The phone rings. 

Laverne (going over to the phone)- Hold that thought, Shirl. (she picks up the receiver) Hello? Oh, Kristin... what? What happened? Is everyone alright? (Shirley comes over to where Laverne is; Laverne to Shirley) They were in an accident... (back to the phone) Okay, we'll be down. (she hangs up the receiver) 

Shirley- What accident? Where are they? 

Laverne- Green Bay. They let Squiggy drive. Kristin said that she and him are okay, but she didn't know about Lauren and Lenny. 

Shirley- Let's get going! 

They grab their coats and run out the door. 

  
**ELEVEN**   
hospital waiting room, later that afternoon 

All four are pacing. {If they're not carefull, they're gonna have their own collision at the intersection!} 

Laverne- Squig, how could ya go through a stop sign? 

Squiggy- I didn't see it! I was lookin' at the Green Bay sign. A whole day of drivin' an' we only made it to Green Bay! 

Kristin- Forget about that, will ya! I wish someone would tell us what's goin' on! 

Lauren (coming arounf the corner)- I might be able to help a little. 

All four look at Lauren and run over to her. She's got a few cuts and her left arm is in a sling. 

Kristin- Is is broken? 

Lauren- No, just a sprain. 

Laverne- What happened? 

Lauren- Well, Squig flipped out when I mentioned the Green Bay sign and he ran through the stop sign, jsut as another car was coming from the left. (she pauses) It gets a little fuzzy here... (she thinks and realizes) Oh no! I got knocked out because that car hit close to Lenny! He got knocked into me! 

All- What!? 

Lauren (cringing)- Please don't yell... 

  
**TWELVE**   
ten minutes later 

Lauren goes quietly into Lenny's room. She grabs the sheet off the clipboard. 

Lauren (thinking)- _There's nothing major on here..._ (she puts the sheet back on the clipboard) Len? I just read that paper... 

Lenny (peeking)- I'm sleeping. 

Lauren (smiling)- I don't think so.(she comes closer) Atleast nothin' happened to your face! 

Lenny- Ha ha... it don't make up for my knee and my arm, though... sorry about plowin' into ya. 

Lauren- It wasn't your fault. It was Squig's. Anyway, I talked to the doctor and he's gonna let us go. 

Lenny (sarcastically)- Great! More crutches for me! 

Lauren- Yeah, well, it coulda been worse... 

Lenny- Don't say that! 

Lauren- Well, it coulda! 

Lenny- Stop! I didn't even really wanna go. 

Lauren- Why do bad things happen to good people? The day I find an answer... 

  
**THIRTEEN**   
Laverne & Shirley's aparment, the next day, noon 

Everyone is in the girls' apartment, all talking at once. They have been for fifteen minutes. 

Lenny whistles. 

Lauren (checking her ears)- Right in my ear... 

Laverne- Atleast someone got some order here. 

Lauren- It's still Squig's fault. I don't care if Len makes me go deaf! I'm gonna blame him ill pigs fly! 

Shirley- Don't say it, Len! 

Lenny- Say what? I'm blamin' Squig, too! 

Squiggy (standing up)- Can I say som'en? 

Lauren & Lenny- No! 

Squiggy- I'm gonna anyway. It was an accident! I didn't do it on purpose. no one got hurt that badly... except the car. 

Lenny- Forget the car, that's what started this!... And I am stuck with crutches for three weeks! 

Sqggy- Compalin, complain! All I wanted to do was have a nice little vacation. I thought it was gonna be even better when Kristin and Lauren came outta hidin'. 

Shirley- I'm feeling smut comin' on. 

Lauren- No smut. Squig ended up sleepin' in the bathtub. Me and Kristin each had a bed and Lenny started off on the table. 

Laverne- Started off? 

Lenny- Okay, so that's the sixth time I've rolled off a table!... The floor was more comfortable anyway. 

lauren- You forgot to mention that ya climbed over my bed to answer the wake up call. 

Lenny glares at her. 

Lauren (mockingly)- You mean you didn't do that on purpose?! (she laughs) 

Kristin- I'm lost. What was our point of this? 

Squiggy- They were blamin' me for a freak accident. 

Laverne- You said a mouthful! 

Lenny- Low blow! 

Lauren- Good one, Vernie! 

Shirley- Actually, Squiggy's got a point. 

Laverne, Lauren, & Lenny- Huh?! 

Shirley- it was just an accident and accidents happen. 

Lauren- Yeah, it's a way of torturing the good people! 

Lenny- Yeah! 

Shirley- This sorta thing happens to everyone! You can't blame Squiggy! 

Lenny- But if he hadn't gone through the stop sign... 

Shirley- No buts. It's still just an accident. 

Lauren- Boy, we're gettin' no where fast! 

Laverne- Shirl, you're sidin' with Squiggy? I think ya oughtta get your head examined! 

Shirley- Very funny, Laverne. I just can't understand wh you three can't see that that could happen to anyone. 

Lenny- Yeah, like when he pushed me out the window? 

Shirley- Uh... not exactly... 

Laverne- But that was a freak accident, too! 

Lauren- He tried to pull him in by his boots! 

Squiggy- Alright already! I get the point! It's my fault! Okay, I can live wit' that, just stop makin' me feel bad! 

Kristin- That's what blame does to someone, ya know. 

Everyone's quiet. 

Lenny- Squig, listen I'm sorry. Just try not to get me hurt anymore, okay? 

Squiggy- Oaky. 

Laverne- If you two're gonna hug, lemme get my camera! 

Lenny- The last time, he put me in a headlock! 

Squiggy- I don't hug. 

Kristin- Yes, you do... 

All eyes turn to Kristin, then to Squiggy. 

Kristin- Oops! 

They all start talking at once again. 

  
THE END :)~


End file.
